Job interview leads to depressive state!

Today's been weird, I thought the job interview would give me a lift but it hasn't. If anything it's reinforced certain connotations I had about myself not because the interview was shit but because I've had to face up to past failures to myself. I sat on the train back and thought about missed opportunities and how much a lack of effort at times has held me back.

Too manŷ mistakes and repeat mistakes and your left thinking "what actually is my self worth?" We all have this idea of where we wanna be, where we should be and where are standing in life is. No one ever thinks of the journey and when I think of mine all I see is delays, cancellations and replacement busses. 

My depression is my disease but more recently a lack of confidence has grown upon me. More happy to hide away and shun reality. Even at my lowest ebb I still had confidence. Now I sit here and question am I good enough, I ponder where I want to be and how far away from my goals I am, I wonder how to attain them without dreaming and concentrate on the realism and when I do that I'm left with the thought I'm not good enough and I won't succeed.

But I've not reached the end where you think what's the point I keep on going! But why? Who knows.

It's liam vs himself yet again, but instead of wanting to hide from my feelings and my dark place I'm wanting to fight it and step away from it and leave it behind. 

I'm going in on myself but for once I'm pushing outwards. So excuse me for this inane rambling. But it's better out then in.